Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Brb crying the tears of my youth
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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