I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
