The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
3pm strippers are depressing
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
