I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Hippo gnu deer
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
