its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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