Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
