i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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