if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
