If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We're too hungover to prance.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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