As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
