5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
