Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
