people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
