I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
