i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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