Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
