did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
