We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
