Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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