he thought i was a dude.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
