i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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