I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
