Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize