i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
