you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize