he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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