My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
