I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
