im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
