im six kinds of drunk right now
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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