Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
