My first STD was from a foam party
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
