Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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