If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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