She went from zero to smokin in five shots
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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