I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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