my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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