I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
