We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize