Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize