My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize