My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
