It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
