help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
