Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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