I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
