mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
