I'm gonna have a badass scar
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
