this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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