I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just want to make out with him forever
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
