Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
