shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
