Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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