I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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