No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
