So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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