All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
