He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
