I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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