Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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