don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
