this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
