god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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