Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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