He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
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