he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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