this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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