suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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