Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize